Happy day-after-Commericalized-Love Day! I had an OK V’s Day, considering my boyfriend is three thousand miles away, living in Portland, OR. It’s pretty crappy on a usual day, but especially awful on a day when we’re “supposed” to be together. I let him know I think the day is lame and I love him and want to celebrate us every day, but we opted to celebrate it anyway. Sent each other little gifts – I got chocolates and he got a Steelers t-shirt (and a picture of us…which I always feel is an iffy gift…). He also sent me some really lovely flowers. We were going to watch Burning Passions together, but it didn’t work out. Ended up talking on the phone, missing each other, etc etc – pretty much an average day for us, with some extra flora.
Today I pulled myself together and went to the local Unitarian church. Kind of a strange church, much more “traditional”-looking than the congregation I grew up in. I’m not sure I’m a fan of that, to be honest. And the congregation seemed…old. Average age maybe upper 40’s or so. I’m going to check around and see if they have a young adult group or anything. There are other churches in Pittsburgh, but they’re not as easy to get to. We’ll see how this works out.
Anyway, it was the first time I’d been to any UU services out here and I was surprised at how affected I was. I cried through the first half of the service. Felt so stupid, but people were nice about it. Nobody made a big thing and I tried not to snot all over myself. It was just really overwhelming. It used to be such a huge part of my life, a huge piece of my identity, and as part of a long string of bad decisions I let it go.
Afterward, the guy sitting next to me made some conversation. At first I thought he was just being friendly, but then I realized that I recognized him: as I was walking into the church, he was walking past…then turned around and walked in behind me. And apparently sat down next to me. Warning bells started going off.
He talked all about how he was a songwriter and had made (and lost) upwards of $11 million over the course of his career. The worst part was he constantly told me how attractive I was – how my employer must be happy to have a girl as pretty as me working there, how I had an angelic smile, on and on. It was so skeevy. (This has happened to me at bars – men hit on me and lay it on thick, assuming since I’m a big girl I have low self-esteem and will immediately agree to go home with them. Ugh.)
Finally he said, “I bet a girl like you has a boyfriend or husband or something, right?” I just nodded and tried to hide my left hand so he couldn’t see the lack of a ring – let him imagine a huge, hulking husband waiting for my safe return!
Leaving, I was anxious that he would follow me to the bus stop. (I slipped out a different door to avoid him.) I’d also left my name and address in the church’s guest registry and I was nervous he’d look and find out where I lived. Well, he didn’t follow me and I’m hoping he didn’t think to check the book. Still…what should have been a great experience was colored by some creepy dude.
And then I went grocery shopping and spent way too much money on food. I’m trying to lose weight and eat healthy and that shit is expensive!